Then Comes a
New Day

I have been blessed to be the father of a child with Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). Those of you who are familiar with the condition may question my use of the word “blessed”, but it is truly a blessing. It is a privilege to have the opportunity to parent a child with this condition.

When my son was younger, I did not feel this way. It took me years to realize how the experience has molded me into a much better person.

A number of years ago, for instance, my younger son said to me, “Dad, you have infinite patience.” I was surprised initially and thought that he might have been practicing his use of irony, to say the least. Patient is not a word many people used to describe me when I was younger. But then I looked at my son and he said the same thing again. I realized he was being sincere.

Sometime after, I realized that I wouldn’t be as understanding as I am today if I had not had ADHD in my life. I wouldn’t be as patient, as kind, or as thoughtful as I am today. Although it has not been an easy lesson, there is no doubt that my son’s exceptionality has taught me how to genuinely love and care for others.

Why I wrote this book

In February of 2004, my oldest son Nick left our home to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This was a difficult time for me. I had spent the last six and a half years being a stay at home father, focused on working with Nick and helping him and our family cope with his exceptionalities.

In May of that same year I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The good news: it was an operable, non-malignant, pituitary tumor. Still, my recovery took me on an unexpected journey.

The pituitary gland regulates many of the chemical balances in the human body. The removal of the tumor caused several noticeable physiological changes in me due to the withdrawal of natural chemicals my body had been over producing for about fifteen years.

Before my surgery, for instance, chocolate was something I could go without. During my recovery, though, I found I had a significant craving for all things chocolate. Other of the less desirable physiological effects were much like those seen in drug addicts trying to go clean. I found myself sitting on the sofa, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth.

The only activity I found that could distract me sufficiently was reading, which had never been a preferred activity for me. I am dyslexic so reading, actually, had always been a significant challenge.

During my recovery, though, day after day, I was reading. I read book after book. I asked my wife to get me all of the books she thought I might like. She has always been a prolific reader and knew what books to recommend.

I read things like To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Chosen by Chaim Potok, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, and many more. My voracious appetite for reading endured for almost six months. At the end of that time, I had the constant impression I should write my own book. A small voice in my head repeatedly told me to write a book about my experiences parenting Nick, my son with ADHD. I kept telling myself, “I’m not a writer.” Writing had always been a challenge. I was assigned English classes for underperforming students for much of my pre-college education. I also convinced myself that I wasn’t strong enough to take on any additional challenges until my health was properly restored. I felt my next significant life object should be returning to gainful employment.

By this time I had been away from working in the field of engineering for over seven years and I wasn’t sure if anyone would hire me. I wondered if going back to school would be the best thing to do and I began to pray for guidance and direction. I had a lot to think about, but I was confident the answers would come to me, as they had so many times in the past. However, any time the thought of writing the book came across my mind I found a reason to dismiss it.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, when a significant problem faces us we can visit a temple. A temple is a special building that has been dedicated as a House of God here on earth. This was an opportunity for me to draw nearer to God. I visited the temple several times with no increased understanding. Each time I thought about what I should do, my mind would go blank. I felt a darkness or stupor of thought overcome me.

After one visit in particular, I left the temple feeling very empty. I knew something wasn’t right. That night I was sleepless and I struggled to understand the darkness and emptiness that had beset me. In the early hours, the next morning, I offered a sincere prayer. “Heavenly Father,” I said, “if Thou wilt teach me what I should do to remove this darkness from me I will do it no matter how hard.”

Moments later, I got my answer. That same still small voice said to me, “Write the book.”

For about the next two months I wrote day after day. Finally I had written everything I could think of at that time. I felt impressed to print out copies and send them to family members for comments, which I did. I finished the task late on a Friday afternoon. The next Monday was a holiday and my wife was home from work. I remember sitting and thinking “I wonder what I should do now?” A short time later the phone rang and my wife answered it. After a brief moment she came to me smiling and said “I think you want to take this call.” It was my former employer calling me to ask if I wanted to come back and work for them.

For reasons unknown to me this story needs to be shared. There are people who need to hear what I have to say. For those who work with struggling children, particularly those with disabilities or who don’t fit the mold, my heart truly goes out to you.

I frequently see parents and children struggling to deal with challenges. I think it is helpful to know you are not alone in your challenges. It helps to know there is hope and that things can and do get better. It helps to know someone has walked the road and become better for it. It is my hope that sharing this story – my story and my son’s story - will give hope and insight to those who love and teach any child...